Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
