please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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