I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Your shirt... Was in my pants
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
