Jerry, you need to find god
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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