it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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