This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
40s are totally the cure
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
