she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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