she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His hands were made for my vagina.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
