she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
