all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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