I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
