My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
