i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
