I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
