I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
