Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
