took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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