Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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