Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
