Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
