that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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