There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
