Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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