hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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