What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
operation have a gay friend backfired
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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