I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
