My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
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I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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