I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am available for nakedness
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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