She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
