Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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