I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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