At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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