I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We were destined to go to rehab together
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All I want is dick and wine.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
