i was born a porn star she said
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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