Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
