Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
