Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
