Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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