I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
