Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
