His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
