so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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