well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
