I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize