I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
