does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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