so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
