i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
