It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
