I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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