so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
