Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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