Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my being single is dangerous.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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