Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
