Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
