I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
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Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
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What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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