Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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