Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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