"it" just moved
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
