Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
