I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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