I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
