well you can't waste a boner
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
