ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
