I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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