k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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