just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
