Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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