After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
